


you're never lonely when the band plays

by stellarwobble



Category: Star Trek RPF
Genre: AU, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-22
Updated: 2011-04-22
Packaged: 2017-10-18 12:17:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/188816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stellarwobble/pseuds/stellarwobble
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Classical musicians AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you're never lonely when the band plays

_Abrams productions presents: Small classis chamber music_

 _L v Beethoven  
Violin sonata No 9 in A major  
(W Ryder, piano - B Cross, violin)_

 _D Shostakovich  
String quartet No 8 in C minor  
(Whistle String quartet  
B Greenwood, violin - R Nichols, violin - E Bana, viola - S Pegg, cello)_

 _WA Mozart  
Clarinet Quintet in A major  
(C Pine, clarinet  
Enterprise String quartet  
Z Quinto, violin - K Urban, violin - A Yelchin, viola - J Cho, cello)_

 

*

 

They cut rehearsals short the day before the concert. John knows it makes sense, they're at the point where picking at it further would only make things worse instead of better. He's still cold inside, his mind stuck on what went wrong at the last play-through, where he was a little off. His right shoulder feels stiff.

 

John keeps his eyes down as they pack up their stuff. It's been a few days since Karl last asked him over for dinner and he's out of excuses. It's not even that he doesn't want to, he just wants to be able to enjoy it. Even if Karl and Nat are still his friends, close friends at that, he just wants to be left alone and get on with his post-divorce moping and/or his obsessing over things that can go wrong with the performance in peace.

 

Somehow, when he wasn't paying attention, it became really important that this concert turns out ok. Which, ok, he's a professional musician and things like that are actually a pretty big deal. But he knows it's more that that, this time. He also knows he's using his worry over the rehearsals to keep from dealing with other things. It's just that he can't seem to stop doing it.

 

John gathers his stuff without Karl reeling him in and is set to leave when he sort of finds himself staring at Anton. The two of them have spent nearly every day sitting next to each other for the last weeks and by now John's familiar with Anton's skinny arms and long-fingered hands. He still can't tear his eyes away while Anton shuffles his music sheets into his bag, narrow shoulders moving underneath his t-shirt. For once, the twisting feeling in John's stomach has nothing to do with worry over the concert.

 

When Anton picks his bag up he looks straight at John, who has no sense of self-preservation whatsoever and is still staring.

 

"So," Anton says with a grin, "hard part's over now, huh. Just the concert left."

 

"Yeah," John says, voice hoarse and missing light-hearted by a mile, his nerves returning. "Yeah, no, it'll be ok. We're ok."

 

Anton's fiddling with the strap on his messenger bag, looking down. "Uh, I. You know, since we finished early I thought, ah." He shakes his head and looks up at John, smiling. "I wondered if you'd like to get some coffee, or something."

 

John's pretty sure he just blinks while all the reasons this is a really bad idea run through his mind. "Ok." he hears himself saying. "Yeah, I'd like that."

 

*

 

John gets coffee and Anton gets a chai latte and they bitch a little about the others. Well, about Zach mostly. John loves the guy, really, they go way back, but he can be impossible sometimes.

 

"I swear, Zach thought Zoë got morning sickness just to mess with him, or something." John says as Anton grins and licks foam from his upper lip. John makes a heroic effort to focus on his story. "We were so relieved when you could join on such short notice. I mean, if one of us had strangled him out of frustration we'd be short a violinist too, you know." Anton laughs and John feels stupidly proud of himself.

 

He finds himself almost wishing that things were awkward between them, that they couldn't find things to talk about. That way it wouldn't matter that John's too old and too neurotic for Anton. Now he just finds himself wanting more.

 

The coffee shop's getting crowded and John eyes his cello case nervously. Soon he'll have to leave, he's finished his coffee and maybe he'll run out of things to say.

 

"I should probably," he starts but Anton reaches over the table and grabs his wrist.

 

"Let's go somewhere else," Anton says. "Please."

 

It's still a bad idea, of course. John can't say no.

 

*

 

At least he doesn't have to worry about finding things to say any more, because once they get to John's apartment they don't really talk much.

 

They make out on John's bed and he wants to go slow, partly so he can remember everything. Anton kisses with his eyes closed which is kind of endearing. John pushes his t-shirt up so he can run his hands over Anton's sides, feel him shudder at the touch.

 

John finds himself wishing he could store this, all the little strange details you never think of as being part of sex, how touching Anton feels, how he's warm and kind of skinny. He clings to John and they get off too quickly and it's messy and inelegant and John is light-headed and for a moment allows himself to think that this isn't just a one-time thing.

 

Afterwards, Anton wraps himself around John like a sweaty, sticky octopus and rubs his nose softly against John's neck before yawning and immediately falling asleep. John's heart is still racing and he knows he should worry about a lot of things. He runs his fingers through Anton's hair, instead.

 

*

 

Anton has to leave early next morning to go home and change before the concert. They kiss before he leaves and John thinks that he should probably say something about how this doesn't have to mean anything. He's busy thinking how bad he is at this stuff when Anton cups his jaw and looks at him intently.

 

"I'll see you later," Anton says and kisses him one last time.

 

John's shoulder hurts. Today is the performance he's obsessed over for months, especially since Zoë had to go on leave. He's slept with the guy who replaced her, potentially making a mess of things. He's happier that he's been in a long time.

 

*

 

By the time they're waiting in the corridor outside the concert hall John's strangely calm while the others fidget, each in their own way. Chis is licking his lips incessantly, Karl paces and Zach seems on the verge of vibrating out of his suit.

 

Anton keeps clenching and stretching the fingers on his left hand, his lower lip caught between his teeth. He looks young and vulnerable and the sight makes something hurt in John's chest.

 

He's standing next to Anton and before he can stop himself he bumps shoulders with him, regretting it when Anton nearly jumps.

 

"Sorry," he says. Anton just nods and John doesn't think, just leans in and kisses him, soft and quick.

 

Anton's eyes go wide and there's a pained noise from Zach. John's pretty sure Zach wouldn't kill him before the concert, but he's still kind of relieved when there's burst of applause and the Whistle people exit the stage.

 

*

 

They take their seats and tune their instruments. John is too focused to notice the audience, though the place is packed. Zoë is somewhere on the front row, he knows, but he can't look for her now. His world shrinks and everything beyond his cello is a blur. It's strange though, he still kind of feels Anton beside him, hears him breathe, though he doesn't dare look.

 

Zach waits while Karl shuffles his chair first a little forward, then back again, like he always does. When he's settled Zach nods at Chris, they're ready. This is it.

 

*

 

When the last note rings out John _knows_ before the audience reacts. He could float away, he's so relieved. They did ok, no, they were awesome and when the applause comes it's deafening. He sees Zoë, now, wearing red and wiping her eyes.

 

He turns to Anton, who's smiling widely and John can feel himself smile, too. Suddenly he's bone-deep certain that if he wanted to he could reach out and touch and Anton would just keep smiling and accept it, touch him back. It's not the time or place, obviously, but just knowing is enough.

 

He turns back to take his bows. Later, he's gonna ask Anton out for coffee, or dinner. He'll worry a lot about it, because that's what he does and it's possible that Anton is out of his league. But it will be worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for nijiiro_no_iro as part of the spring 2011 trek_rpfexchange.


End file.
